Safe In His Arms.

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart

And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart

I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own

but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas

Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet

With a love so strong He'll never let you go

oh you're not alone

You will be safe in His arms

You will be safe in His arms

'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart

This is the promise He made

He will be with You always

When everything is falling apart

You will be safe in His arms

Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life

Is the very same voice that calls you to rise

So hear Him now He's calling you home

You will never be alone

These are the hands that built the mountains

the hands that calm the seas

These are the arms that hold the heavens

they are holding you and me

These are hands that healed the leper

Pulled the lame up to their feet

These are the arms that were nailed to a cross

to break our chains and set us free

These words are crying out to me tonight. This world tires me out, the constant pull of this life leaves me worn out. Why do I keep leaving His arms? Why do I keep doubting His divine power and strength? It seems the moment I leave His arms the winds of this life scoop me up and toss me around. Its draining. Its draining to feel not enough. But wait, why do I keep leaving? Don't I realize that in His arms I have everything I will ever need? He has made a promise and He will keep me safe. Its only when I leave His arms is when the torments and hurt of this world hit. I shouldn't ask myself why this life is so hard, but I should ask why do I leave His arms in the first place. He never said that the road He leads us down would be clear, never once did He say that everything will go our way or that disappointments or challenges would never happen. However what He has promised is that within His arms, we will have everything we need. Time and time again I find myself at my ropes end, face down in tears begging for the creator to come near. But maybe, it needs to be the other way. He is there, begging for ME to come near. This is the Jesus that nothing is too big nor too small for Him, why do I doubt His capability to hold my heart? He has chosen this path for me. He has planned every single day out and knows every tear I will cry. Why do I leave the comfort of His shoulder and try to face the battle alone? The problem is within my heart. Within our minds. Within this need for us to figure it out on own, to battle the storm without the help of its creator.

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me."

Jesus called Him, Peter heard the call, but doubted. He saw the wind, and doubted the Savior, he lost sight of the hope that He had.

"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" It doesnt say Jesus let him drown for a little while, or Jesus watched him fall. It says immediately. Jesus is always there, just waiting for us to stumble back into His arms. We cant doubt His promises, for they are the only solid ground we have.

Its also pretty comforting knowing that when everything seems to be falling apart, the One who holds the world, who created everything from nothing; is holding your heart.

And There's No One Left in The Orphans' Bed.

I always knew that I wanted to be an International Development major. Isn't that funny? Before I even knew what God had planned, I felt it deep down inside of me. Well, tonight is a night that this major is making my heart heavy. I read countless articles and books about all the injustice in the world, statistics about orphans in Africa or the cast system in India, enabling people to leave poverty, and my heart breaks. The last few days I have had the oppertunity to experience African culture from a group of people who live in Zimbabwe, and it just makes me miss Uganda so badly. My heart is literally aching right now. I started watching some videos that I had taken of this little boy named Eddy. He was singing and laughing. I couldn't hold my tears back. I laughed as he did his giggle and ached to hold him, ached to be near him and just hold him close.

After my time reminiscing over Uganda videos, I stumbled on Steven Curtis Chapman's website. I started to read his wife's blog. It was all about suffering. All about how she is dealing with losing her daughter after only 5 years. My heart broke again. But I came across something that (made me cry obviously) but filled me with some sort of hope. It started out with..

"Yesterday....17 months later, I still caught myself bargaining with God to give her back to me....To somehow let her be manifested so that I could just see her for a minute, or at least get a small whiff of her sweet, yet sweaty smell. I would have loved to just feel the sensation of me kissing the fat of her neck and blowing Zerberts until she giggled so hard she could barely speak!"

I know that the children at the orphanage where not my children, but I sure do love them, and miss them like crazy. But, maybe missing them is apart of the journey. Its apart of this life God has given us.

"In fact God entrusted me with it. Why? Trust me? I don't even want to talk about the "Why?"question.... But ultimately, God wanted to use our family to live out this kind of story here on Earth. I only pray that when people see us battling it out and crying our guts out and loving till it hurts, that they know we are doing our best to honor the ONE that blessed us with Maria for 5 beautiful years. Did I want more years? You better believe I did....But...I also know that Maria didn't live one day longer than she was supposed to. She was never going to learn to ride her bike without training wheels, drive a car, go on a date, or as Shaley observed...have a senior picture hanging on the senior picture wall....God knew all of that...He knows all of my pain...and somehow I am trusting that He alone is the ONE that is going to fix it, heal it, make it right....when it is time. Until then, I'll still be asking God to let me see her, feel her, smell her.....and if you see a woman who is a little disheveled walking the isles of TJ Maxx with tears streaming down her face....It's probably me! You see, know matter how much I can tell you it's getting easier, I still end up back where I started. I want so badly to be the strong Christian woman that keeps taking those steps ahead and making that awesome progress. Yet, when all is said and done, I think I'm going to have to settle for the Little Train that Could.... Tell Jesus...I think I can I think I can...and believe it...even when I don't!"

Woah, that is so hopeful right there. If a woman who had to burry her 5 year old daughter, can find the courage to go on each day, with hope that Jesus is in complete control and that He has ENTRUSTED us with our burden, then so can we. I think that relates to well to drinking the cup that we have been given. It may be bitter, but let it be Your will not mine Father. If Jesus was able to find the strength to say that before dying, so can we. We must pick up our cross. Our cross of loneliness and heart break. Of sadness and disappointment. Of longing and aching. We must keep going. We must take a big sip out of our cup and follow Him. Because Jesus never leads us someplace alone. He is right along side us each step of the way. Hunger and thirsting for righteousness, aching for the world to have no orphans or sadness is what Jesus has promised us that we will be filled. HE will fill us when our hearts ache. When it seems unbearable, listen to the faint whisper. He is there and He will never leave.

Missing them never gets easier. But for some reason, Jesus needs us here right now, and needs them there. And we will be back not a second too late.