Surrender Your Heart.

So, I decided to start a blog. I am not really sure why, other than having a lot of thoughts and my iworks is too obnoxiously full of random writings. So I figured this would be a better way to have them organized, although I feel like the phrase "organized thoughts" is an oxymoron. Anyways, so here I am. August 16, 2009, uncertainty has been following me around lately. I leave for college in about 17 days. That thought alone scares me to death. It's not that I am afraid to go to school. I just am having a hard time knowing where God is leading me. I know that Calvin is where I need to be, its just hard to leave things behind. Hard to understand how everything is going to fall into place. Calvin is far away. I guess what I am trying to say, is I am struggling with trusting Him. Which is silly, I know. But it's the truth. I know that He has it all planned out, and that His plan is perfect, I just need to trust. That everything I am unclear about, will become clear when He needs me to see. When I got home from Uganda, I read a book called " Jesus Wants To Save Christians." It talks a lot about remembering where we have been, because if we don't we will never get anywhere. I keep pushing that into the front of my mind lately. If I just remember where I have been in the past, remember when I was at the lowest, HE pulled me out. I dont need to worry that He wont be here, or show up. God is never late. God can do anything. I can't put limits on Him. I just have this fear lately. I need to give it to Him. I need to lay my fear at His feet, and put my heart in His hands. There is nothing more beautiful then Him, and I can trust Him. I NEED to trust Him, I need to wait for Him. Its all apart of the plan. I recently got a new tattoo on my foot. "abafiripi 4:12" which stands for phillipians 4:12. 

 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

The secret being Jesus' strength. His unwavering, mighty and powerful strength. I know the secret, and I cannot forget it. Or take it for granted, ever. I think it's so important to have my two tattoo's on my feet. With my right foot, each step I take, I walk towards Christ's Joy, while with each step my left foot takes I take towards His strength, His contentment, no matter what type of soil my feet or heart may land on. I was thinking last night, what if my biggest dreams, or my biggest desire or hope was to fall through. Would I still be able to be content? That is a scary question. The answer is even scarier. Yes. I have surrendered my heart to Him, trusting that He will hold it. Trusting that His strength is sufficient, which I know it is. It still may frighten me a little, but with the Creator holding each of my fears, it will be okay. I just have to believe. 

"Hope came home,
Home to me today,
And fear has run the other way.
And words are weak;
They don't know how to say,
"You know I still believe in You."
And should my dreams fall through,
I will be safe with You.
So with every breath I can breath,
I'll sing about how You love me.
I'll sing about how You love me."